He who dare enter the Spiders Lair !

Writing these frequent ramblings is ‘usually’ quite a simple process, which is made easier as I am able to tap out a few words into my notes pages on my iPad. So, this last week when Shazza and Sonia (Sharon’s Mum), retired for the night, I was able to sit in silence and just ponder. As I mulled over each days events, or even my thoughts, I just tapped in some ‘key’ words into the ‘Notes’ page on my iPad so that when I came to writing my latest post it would be easy to recall those events. That is all well and good, as long as you do not do something really stupid with that piece of technology and as a consequence lose the whole damn lot ! “Oh What a silly Jeeves I am” I thought to myself, or words something to that effect !!  More about my meddlings a little later ?

The week had started off at quiet a tranquil pace. Shazza and Sonia (alias Bonnie & Clyde) had completed one successful jewellery heist and were now in hiding whilst the local police were out looking for a dangerous handbag swinging crime duo !  Sonia was now getting ready to make good her escape back home to South Yorkshire. She had been chauffeur driven down by none other than yours truly, ‘Jeeves the chauffeur’, and now Madame was due to be collected and chauffeured back by her brother-in-law, accompanied by her two sister’s, who at the request of my dearly beloved, wishes for them to remain nameless (Mmmm ? now she has got me wondering whether they really are members of some notorious crime syndicate ??).

Shazza, bless her, had been unsuccessful at selling a glass shelf unit on the local ‘Gumtree’ website but not easily defeated she had re-advertised it on Ebay and got a buyer almost immediately. This buyer just happened to be in our area and wanted to collect it, which just happened to be on the same day that Shazza’s relatives were due to arrive. However, no problems, the buyer had stated that they would call to collect at around 09:30am and Shazza’s extended ‘Crime Group Family’ were not due to arrive until mid-morning, so on the evening prior to the collection we got the shelf units moved into the hallway ready to be loaded into the buyer’s vehicle and that would be that…… wouldn’t it ?

We had plenty of tat ‘cherished items’ already in the garage, in fact it had now got to a stage where we had once again cleared out so much tat that we couldn’t possibly take it all in one car load. So we now had the job of ‘selecting’ what ‘cherished items’ to take for our discerning customers to peruse ? Even though the mountain of ‘tat’ was rising, I knew that I could not put off entering the ‘Spiders Lair’ yet again, there were still two rather large boxes of ‘treasured items’ to rescue, before they became totally enshrouded in a silk woven ‘mummified’ jacket ! I opened the shed door (at arm’s length) and as the light from the evening sunshine delved into the dark recesses, I could see the sparkles of reflecting light as it fell upon hundreds of translucent miniscule eyes. I could hear the sound of hundreds, nay, thousands of pairs of hairy legs as they scurried to dark hiding places from this unwanted intrusion, waiting to pounce and sink their black pincers into the uninvited guest. So ! armed with my Indiana Jones whip, hat and fully fitted snake gaiters I dared to enter the ‘Spiders Lair’ with a warriors cry of “C’mon then you wee beasties if you think your hard enough……”  Damn, the boxes of course were right at the back of the ‘Lair’ and each were so heavy that I could only remove them one by one. When I opened each of the boxes, very carefully and with whip coiled and ready for lighting fast dispatch, well I couldn’t be sure that I hadn’t brought out some unwanted eight legged monsters, I was filled with absolute elation, for here lay real ‘treasures’. A set of old military field glasses in their original case, a ‘Vango’ tent in a carry bag in perfect condition, three sleeping bags, axle stands, battery charger, full cricket set in perfect condition, tennis rackets, 30 metre extension cable and reel, four large plastic storage containers on wheels and with lids, the sort that slide under beds to store bedding, clothes or kids toys and…………….. well suffice to say,  lots and lots and lots of very ‘car bootable’ treasures !!

Sharon busied herself in the kitchen, baking this and baking that so she could provide a good hearty lunch for the family. In between her making home-made ‘Quiche’, Tomato and Goats Cheese Bread, home-made coleslaw and fruit scones she also set about tidying the house, as women do, so that the house would be presentable. At least we still had all the larger pieces of furniture including all our Dining Room and Living Room furniture, so the house still looked a little bit lived-in rather than a ‘squat’ that we had just happened to be occupying .

As regular followers of my ramblings will be aware, I have this strange fascination with sayings that have been passed down over the generations and often wonder about their origins. Well this week, after certain events, I have come across another one that I often hear and can’t help but wonder, ‘Who first said that ? in what context did they say it ?” and that saying is “Every cloud has a silver lining”.  Whilst it may appear as if I am going off at a strange tangent (yet again), bear with me as it does all come together, eventually !

Anyone who likes to watch stand-up comedians will be familiar with the line “A man walks into a ………..?”. On this occasion it is “A man walks into…………our house to collect a glass display shelf” and which I duly assist him with in loading into his vehicle, a van as it happens. Chattering away with him, as one does, the van man, who could not help but notice the ‘For Sale’ sign firmly planted at the front of the house with the words ‘SOLD’ across it, asked the inevitable question, “Where are you moving to ?”. Whilst I will not bore you with the 3 hour ‘Big Adventure’ recital that followed (well not literally 3 hours, although had he not yawned 6 times in succession it may well have lasted that long, but I am quite astute and was alert to his subtle hint). Anyway, as a consequence he asked to look at what else we were selling so I invited him back in to our humble abode to take a look.

Now then, where does that saying about clouds and silver linings come into these inane ramblings very interesting story line ? Well, I was beginning to get a little stressed and frustrated at the not yet having conducted the ‘Exchange of Contracts’ on the house, without that event I was reluctant to sell the larger items of furniture and with time ticking away fast was worried that we would not have time to sell them. The van man entered our Dining Room and looked at our matching oak hand-crafted dining table and chairs, oak bookcase (which didn’t actually house books but glassware and crockery) and oak TV/DVD cabinet, he enquired as to what price we were looking for and then asked to see what else we had to sell. Seeing his eyes light up at the oak furniture I showed him a matching oak Hi Fi cabinet and my prized possession which was an oak roll top writing desk. We then moved on to the more modern items of furniture, leather electric recliner two-piece suite and two solid wood occasional tables. Again we discussed prices and he made the right kind of noises. We also had in the room a decorative iron framed glass shelved unit which once upon a time acted as our drinks repository (It was close enough for Shazza to stagger walk across to when requiring a refill) which came with two matching lamp tables. We had actually advertised these on ‘Gumtree’ and had 3 people interested and making enquiries, which we duly advised him, he asked what we were asking for them and then immediately produced the money from his wallet and said “I’ll take them” !! Sold to the nice man with the van. He told us that he had a job to do in the local area and that he would not have enough room in his van to take the items with him but that he wanted the Bookcase, TV Unit, Hi Fi unit and Glass Shelf Unit and Lamp Tables and asked if he could return at the end of the week to collect them ! Okay, I am going to cut this story a little bit shorter, rather than give you the full blow-by-blow account. Within 20 minutes of leaving he had phoned us again to say that he could now take the furniture and was on his way back to collect them !!! Well we were not expecting this so we hurriedly emptied the contents of the bookcase, the cupboards under the TV cabinet, the ornaments off the Glass shelved unit and the table lamps of the lamp tables. He arrived within half an hour, we exchanged goods for ‘travel funds’ and prior to van man’s departure he re-affirmed his interest in ‘all of the rest of the furnishings’. So ! a man walked into our house to purchase a glass display shelf and walked out half emptying it of our furnishings !!

The remnants of what was left from the now vacant furniture was strewn around the floor, in the dining room and the living room and Shazza’s relatives were due to walk through the door at any time to something that looked like a ‘squat’ that we just happened to be occupying !!

Now, I would not blame you for thinking just how lucky we have been since we sold the house, the speed at which it sold, my boss being so good about my working arrangements with no pressure (yet) on the submission of my resignation letter, the ‘potential’ future jobs with the Caravan Club, the travel coffers swelling with every car boot we conduct, what on earth could go wrong ? ………………………………………. Damn Solicitors that’s what !!

Feeling quite good about the days events with the furniture I thought that as I had not heard from my Solicitors about the exchange of contracts that perhaps I should give them a call, and boy, am I glad that I did. It was the 7th August, they informed me that they had sent me a letter on the 29th July containing questions that required answering by the Buyer’s Solicitor ? Mmmm ! Strange, but I had received around six letters from them, all of which had arrived within two days of the date stamp on the letters, I had even received one from them on 1st August, not the one with the questions though. Now call me cynical if you wish but me thinks that perhaps they hadn’t sent it at all, they had intended to send it, but I bet it is still in some Admin assistants ‘out tray’ !! So, I asked them to Email me the letter immediately, I was now frustrated that they had potentially delayed the ‘Exchange of Contracts’ by at least 9 days !

On receiving the Emailed questions I discovered that these were all in relation to ‘Covenants’ that were contained within my ‘Deeds’ for the property, the very same ‘Deeds’ that they had instructed me to send to them in the first week. As I no longer had these ‘Deeds’ to refer to then how could I possibly answer the Buyer’s solicitors questions ??? Additionally, whilst I do not consider myself to be ‘unintelligent’, there was so much ‘Legal Jargon’ contained within the questions that it may as well have been written in a foreign language ! in fact legal speak is a foreign language to anyone outside of the legal profession.

I could feel the ‘Magma’ starting to liquefy inside me, it takes a lot for this particular volcano to erupt but it was definitely beginning to rumble and I was now attempting to contain the molten lava from spewing out !! I responded to their Email, having answered the questions with simple ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ answers, the answers that I just happened to be paying them to answer  on my behalf as ‘my’ legal representatives. Within my Email response I just happened to suggest that perhaps they should consider providing the Buyer’s solicitor with my Email address and telephone contact number as it would be more financially economical and much more time efficient for us to deal directly ! I also suggested that more time would probably be wasted whilst they transcribed my Emailed answers into a letter format, on their ‘letterhead’ paper, and then the time it would take to post it to the Buyer’s solicitor. Within half an hour of sending my Email, I received a one sentence response simply stating that my Solicitor had attempted to ‘telephone’ the Buyer’s solicitor and was awaiting a call back. My point may just have been taken on board ?

And so a bit of a busy week with ‘Highs’ and ‘Lows’ in probably about equal measure. There is also the small matter of the day job to contend with, you know that thing that at the moment brings in the money to keep paying the Mortgage, the Council Tax, the Gas, Electricity, Water, TV Licence, Broadband Connection, Telephone, Home Insurance, Groceries, Vehicle Insurances, Vehicle Tax, Vehicle Servicing and a multitude of other things. So although a lot appears to be happening towards getting ready for the ‘Big Adventure’ this all has to be fitted in around the ‘day job’. It has got easier now that Shazza isn’t working as she is now getting stuck into sorting cupboards and drawers that I daren’t venture anywhere near, she has also made a start on the interior of the van, the allocation of space for her supplementary provisions store, or as we have come to know it, the ASDA Emergency Back-Up Distribution Warehouse !! as well as places for her essential cooking and baking equipment and pots, pans, crockery and……………… “Anyone know where our nearest RV dealer is” !!!

We have been having discussions over recent months on a not so cheerful subject, and then kept putting it away to think about another day. But as those ‘other days’ are getting fewer we decided we must really do something about, the subject of making ‘Wills’. As we will both be travelling together, generally all the time, if something were to happen to the both of us we needed to make provision for what we wanted to do with both our ‘Personal’ and ‘Financial’ assets. So we have made an appointment with a local Solicitor to discuss and then make our Wills it makes sense.

So, what did I do that made me lose all of my notes on my iPad ? Well I think that I did confess in a previous post that I am not that technologically IT astute, not ‘useless’ but there are just some things that happen for no rhyme or reason. I currently have an Email address with our ‘Domestic’ Internet Service Provider, but I have already opened up a new Email account for use when ‘on the road’. All I wanted to do was to change my ‘Apple ID’ which is your Email address. Simple, go into account (on laptop) and change Apple ID. So I attempted to put in my ‘on the road’ Email address and it tells me that I cannot because that address is already associated to my Apple account ? Mmmmmm ???? Light bulb moment, just change the Email address by adding another character, number etc. Eureka !! it accepted my new ID and I thought that was it ? until I went to use my iPad and my iCloud popped up to say that it didn’t recognise my User Name or Password !!!!! Anyway, I then realised that I should really have opened up an Email account with the Email address first, Duh !! Long story short, couldn’t verify my new User ID as I didn’t have an Email account registered for the new Email that iCloud had sent to it to verify the change of ID ?? Of course I then set up an actual Email account but the iCloud Email was not there ?? So, had to mess about re-setting my Apple ID back to what it had been, deleting my iCloud account and setting up a new one again. In that process I lost some, but thankfully not all, of my applications. Not sure if lost is actually correct, I know where they are, I just cannot get to them !!! So, still confused but need to do a bit more research on ‘how to’ before I actually ‘do’ !!

So, with another weekend ahead and more sorting to do I don’t think we will be having any ‘Loose Moment’ days and Oh! how we yearn for just one of those periods when we find ourselves with a ‘Loose Moment’……………… !!

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5 Responses to He who dare enter the Spiders Lair !

  1. Debs says:

    Oh my what a week you have had lol !!!! EWWWWWWWWW spiders…… i had to walk away from my pc as it made me shivery just reading that bit !!!!

    • LOL !! Debs, you didn’t strike me as someone who would be afraid of the wee 8 legged beasties ?? But just goes to show that your imagination is as active as mine ha!ha!

      • Debs says:

        I hate spiders lol…. I made one of my friends drive 17 miles once to get one out of my flat…… when she got there I was outside giggles

  2. mike says:

    Makes me glad we haven’t got the hassles of selling a house with all the solicitor business! Bit of luck with the ‘van man’ there! Handy when it happens like that! Nice one! 🙂

    • I don’t know if it just that we are getting tired of it all but the Solicitor’s are the only one’s making it a bit of a nightmare. Just got back from car boot No.8 or is it 9 ? Another £170 into the coffers ! The treasures from the ‘Spiders Lair’ all but gone !! Warwick tomorrow for a few days, we both need the break even if it is to do some small jobs on the van ! As for ‘van man’ let’s see if he comes good with the purchase of the other items ?

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